Ayahuasca: The Worst Experience I’d Gladly do Again
I’ve known about Ayahuasca for quite some time now, however due to the advice from a Shaman years back, I decided that I’d never chase her down. What advice am I talking about?
Well – years ago, when I first started on my journey of exploring non-ordinary states of consciousness, I had the good fortune of living near a desert where Peyote grew in abundance. I would frequently venture into the desert to go cut a few heads and take back home.
One day, in Real de Catorce, a little town in Mexico known for its Peyote, I had the pleasure of conversing with a Mescaline Guide. During this conversation he told me, “You should never chase the Peyote, when it’s time for the experience – the Peyote will find you…”
Or something like that. It was years ago!
I decided that it was sound advice and stopped going out to find Peyote. Later on, on two separate occasions – Peyote was given to me by strangers. Every subsequent trip was a deeply transformative experience.
Therefore, when it came to Ayahuasca, I was going to wait until she called me.
Recently she did…and this was my experience.
WHAT IS AYAHUASCA
Ayahuasca is a blend of herbs that allow the body to process the Dimethyltryptamine or DMT within one of the plants in the mix. Essentially, it’s some ancient alchemy that inhibits an enzyme in the liver that breaks down the DMT before it makes you trip – and then, increases the concentration of DMT in your bloodstream.
This induces a hallucinatory state that many people seek out for a wide variety of reasons including healing, self-discovery, answer-seeking and even communing with dead relatives.
Why did I want to take Ayahuasca?
Well – firstly, I have been exploring non-ordinary states of consciousness for decades now. From deep trance meditation, Breathwork, and psychedelics, I have been on a personal quest to push the boundaries of my own conscious and unconscious processes.
Ayahuasca was bound to enter my body at one time or another.
The other reason – I thought – I wanted to go was to remove some internal blockages. I wasn’t sure if it was “energetic” or “emotional” or some hidden trauma I long forgot that made me feel like I was inhibited from achieving my fullest potential.
I believed that there may be a chance to utilize this ancient technology as a means of removing the blockage or at least providing me with enough insight to ‘do something about it’.
I have heard of many people talk about how Ayahuasca provided some much needed perspective to help them work through these energy blocks – I thought, “Why not!”
The Week Leading Up to the Experience
To properly explain the experience of Ayahuasca, we need to talk about the week leading up to the experience itself. While I was only instructed a few days before the event, there’s a diet to follow prior to taking ayahuasca.
This is meant to increase the effects of the experience. Some of these rules include;
- No Sex
- No eating meats
- No Drugs or Alcohol [including weed]
- Mostly an Alkaline diet
You were also supposed to be framing yourself, meditating on what you want and so forth.
As mentioned, I was told three days before the event so I complied a bit later. Nonetheless, this is something that adds to the Ayahuasca experience.
To be honest, I didn’t have a problem with the diet, I’m not a big drinker and while I smoke weed almost daily – I’m not a heavy consumer. In fact, the not smoking cannabis helped me reassess “when” I smoke during the day and now have altered my behavior a bit.
The Day of the Event
On the day of the event, I was running around like a madman getting everything ready since the experience was to be had in the middle of the desert. Pillows, blankets, sleeping bags, water, and toothpaste – the list wasn’t too long but not having any of these items would increase discomfort significantly.
We – the group I was traveling with – first met up at a friend’s house. We ate some light food in the afternoon and were supposed to reach the destination at 9 PM. While we left on time, Google Maps sent us on a wild goose-chase. We eventually only reached our destination 15-minutes before the scheduled time.
When we arrived, everybody had already set up their sleeping areas and were discussing “things” with the shaman. We slid into the room and waited until further instruction.
Eventually – the talk concluded and we were given the instructions on what to do which essentially came down to setting up our spaces and placing our offerings on the altar.
You could bring anything such as lentils, chocolate, tobacco, alcohol, etc.
I brought some lentils and a chocolate.
We were happy we made it on time.
3 hours later…
The shaman retired to a private room where he was preparing for the ceremony. It took him three hours to get ready. When it was almost midnight – he came down, took a swig of the Ayahuasca and asked us about our motives to be there.
One by one those who had never experienced Ayahuasca spoke of their motivations. I was one of them and explained how I felt like there was a blockage I simply couldn’t see – and that hopefully Ayahuasca can help me rid myself, or integrate with whatever needs to happen.
The Shaman assured me that I will have a good experience.
Once we all have had the opportunity to speak our truth – the ceremony started with an invocation of the gods and spirits of the places he had visited. The entire invocation took about 15 minutes of the Shaman calling on the spirits of the mountains, the gods of old, and the spirit of Ayahuasca to come to us.
Upon conclusion, the first person went forth to take their cup of Ayahuasca. The guy who was sitting next to me had already done Ayahuasca twice before turned to me and said, “Ugh – I can taste it”. I told him, “Oh – that’s your mirror neurons firing off as you’re watching her drink it”.
“It’s a peculiar taste,” he added. Little did I know how peculiar it would be.
I was the 5th person in the room to taste the concoction and swigged it as fast as I could. To describe the taste – it has this deep irony taste to it, that’s bitter yet with a hint of sweetness. However, it’s not sweet at all, or at least not a pleasant “sweet”. The bitterness is far more pronounced and the consistency of the liquid is thick like a watery molasses.
As I was drinking it, they pointed to an orange peel saying, “Use this to wash down the taste”.
I complied. The rest of the 24 participants passed to the front, took their small cup of Ayahuasca and each returned to their bedding area.
Then – we waited.
All was silent, and then the puking began…
I am very sensitive to psychedelic substances; to any foreign substance in my body really. It took me about 15 mins to feel the nausea but due to my Breathwork training – I could hold down my nausea for quite some time.
Other people were not so fortunate. Within the first 20 minutes – 2 people had already vomited and from then on – the vomiting wouldn’t stop for hours.
In my case, my stomach started becoming more unsettled. The nausea increasing and while I did have some “internal visuals” – it was more visionary as opposed to hallucinatory.
The problem was that I wasn’t only having issues keeping my vomit in – I could feel the diarrhea bubbling in my gut. This wouldn’t have been a problem if there were more than two bathrooms for 24 people.
I immediately understood why the “bucket” was so important. Because while some people puked only, I experienced a “purging” like nothing I have experienced before.
The problem with puking and shitting your guts out…
The biggest issue is when you have to decide what is more pressing, the sensation of puking or the sensation of shitting. When both of them occur at the same time, the solution is shitting.
In my case, I was fortunate to make it to a bathroom where I sat on a toilet puking into a bucket while violently letting go of whatever liquids I had inside.
All the while the Shaman and his two assistants were making music, that sounded like ancient worship music – I was defiling the bathroom on the second floor.
I am not sure how long it went on, but it was quite some time before I had the courage to work my way back to my bed area.
The work was done…
As I was laying there, mildly hallucinating, I knew that the “work” I came here for wasn’t done. And so, when the Shaman invited people for a second round – I reluctantly went back. He asked me, “Have you connected with it yet?”
“I told him, somewhat – but I know I need another one.”
He gave it to me, and I was fearful. This experience has not been the most enjoyable one thus far, would a second cup send me to hell?
I figured, “You didn’t come all the way out here to punk out!” And so, I lifted the cup and poured the liquid into my mouth. My body clenched up and for a few moments and I was unable to swallow.
With the nasty taste getting stronger on my taste buds – I eventually forced myself to swallow and went back to bed. It took no longer than 20-minutes before I had to step outside for a bit. All bathrooms were occupied and fortunately my shitting sensation had left me – I just needed to vomit.
I went outside into the cold which helped me to relax a bit. I sat next to a tree where I simply waited and waited for about 20-30 minutes before I violently threw up again.
This time, at the very end of the stream of my internal liquids escaped what I could only describe as “ectoplasm”.
As it laid there on the floor, I immediately knew that the work was done.
I didn’t know what it was – I simply knew that it was no longer inside me.
I made my way back to the bed and as soon as I laid there – the visuals retreated and the trip ended. Even though I have been awake for over 24-hours, I couldn’t sleep until about 7 AM the next morning.
The Next Day
The very next day is about integration. Once more, everyone had the opportunity to talk about their experiences and strangely, everyone’s trip related back to me. The Shaman explained that we “become one entity” and so all our stories are interconnected.
In my battered state, it made perfect sense.
Will I ever do Ayahuasca again?
I know my journey with Ayahuasca has just started. I also know I don’t look forward to our next encounter but am absolutely certain that whatever happened to me in that desert significantly changed me for the better.
Nowadays I’m lighter, I get angry less and I am more certain about what I intend to do with my life. There may be an opportunity to try a 3-day ceremony in a few months…if everything works out, I’ll gladly subject myself to the misery once more.
However, I will be taking a few steps for making the experience more enjoyable.
Tips for making your Ayahuasca Experience more Enjoyable
Here’s what you need to understand. Ayahuasca is an uncomfortable experience, no matter what you do. Perhaps, your first experience will be hell – this may not be true for the second experience. Many multiple ayahuasca users have told me that the experience can be rather enjoyable depending on the experience itself.
Therefore, I can’t say that all ayahuasca experiences will be like mine – but I am certain that many people will experience it similarly.
In order to make it more comfortable you need;
- Comfortable Sleeping arrangements – a few blankets won’t do. You need to think about making a soft, comfortable area where you can feel like shit as comfortable as possible. You’re essentially going to be “food poisoned” – so prepare for that.
- Cold Drinks like Gatorade – you’re going to be expelling a lot of liquid, you need to replenish these.
- Bigger Bucket – you can’t imagine how much you can puke until you take Ahahuasca.
- Toilet Paper and a Change of Clothes – these are pretty self explanatory. TP for shitting and change of clothes because you’re going to want to change after a night of puking
- Pajamas – get into the most comfortable clothes as possible.
That’s what I can tell you about my Ayahuasca experience. It’s a real motherfucker – but I feel it’s a “root chakra” medicine. It will go back to your reptile brain, break you into a million pieces, and allow you to put yourself back together again.
While I had a miserable time – it was one of the most significant transformations of my entire life.
– J. F. Gerber