How to be Cool as a Cucumber during the Apocalypse
The end is nigh! So claims the well-versed homeless-person in his raggedy attire almost in unison with the well-dressed homeless-soul shouting on a public pulpit. Eagerly – we the product – listen to the harrowing tales of impending doom while our vision narrows, our adrenaline spikes and stress over-takes our very existence.
Surely, these must be the darkest times we have ever experienced throughout human history. Depending on which cosmic channel you are currently tuned into, there is always some form of an “impending apocalyptic event” looming just over the horizon. It´s big, it’s scary…and it’s coming!
Politics, Religion, Science, Philosophy, Spirituality [to name a few] – all of these ‘trains of thought’ or ‘perceptive filters/lenses’ are utilized to make sense or to create order within a chaotic state of affairs called “LIFE”.
We believe that our beliefs are true because if we don´t, the awareness of our utter lack of control become ever apparent. Since, biologically, we have such a “small perspective field of sensory-input”; the idea of a “UNIVERSE OF ABSOLUTE CHAOS” is utterly frightening to our fragile little egos.
It is because of this fear that we begin to construct our own ‘belief-system’ by subscribing to a wide array of “cosmic channels” to build credence to our personal narration. These cosmic channels [or thought trains if you want to be whimsical about it] are expressed as a means of creating a “support group” of sorts.
This way – you’re not the only moron thinking that ‘your brainwashing is better’ than someone else’s brainwashing. The larger the group and the louder they scream – the truer it seems [to them]! Because ‘how can so many people be WRONG?’
Armed with this “Bukake-Storyline”; we believe that we have finally established some sense of “order to all of this Chaos.” But then – suddenly – some apocalyptic shit creeps into the narrative and once more…impending doom whispers into the [Mind’s Ear?] that “Even THIS will End!”
And what do we do about all of this? We vomit our insecurities and pain on anyone willing [or not] in any way we can. We victimize ourselves and blame others for our shortcomings to avoid the effort of actually ‘doing something about it’.
BUT…the Apocalypse is REAL – and SCIENCE can prove it!
Nobody is denying the apocalypse – it’s a very real thing and it is most definitely COMMING FOR YOU!!! The problem with most people’s understanding of the “apocalypse”, is that they don´t realize just how frequently it occurs.
In fact, today alone 150,000 minor apocalypses occurred and you didn´t care because there was probably something far more important happening – like scrolling down your news feed getting worried about the weather or something.
If you didn´t catch on by now – I’m referring to death. The rough estimation of daily deaths around the entire world hovers somewhere in the 150k-region. For these folk – THE WORLD LITERALLY ENDED! And perhaps, at a very subliminal and philosophical-spiritual-religious and perhaps political or even scientific perspective –apocalypses are simply metaphors of our own deaths.
“BUT SCIENCE!!!” someone screams with tightly clenched buttocks very matter-of-factly.
Yes – there are things occurring within “this reality” and in the “right now” that are very worrisome. However, when we’re talking about “practical things” there are always “practical solutions”. When we talk about “abstract things” – which sound eerily similar to every other apocalypse myth – it ceases to become science and turns into Scientism.
However – practicality is the way of science. For instance; if you are worried about things such as “Climate Change” – which is getting a lot of buzz these past few years – you have to look at practical solutions.
Millionaire politicians, bought out by billion-dollar corporations will not do anything to “stop the ecocide of the world!” If all the doom and gloom were true – and we’re fucked in 12, 20, or even 50-years from now – then there is literally nothing we can do to avoid it.
If the worst of the predictive models are true – then we as humanity already lost and it would be pointless to do anything about attempting to derail our impending doom. If the worst future model of catastrophe was “somewhat true”, and instead we had 100-years to do something about it – then waiting for politicians to do make up their minds whether ‘they will do something’ about “it”, is ALSO a colossal waste of time.
But if everyone pitched in, surely we can stop this madness?
Trying to convince someone else of how you view the world rarely works. The only way people “subscribe to a cosmic channel” is by seeing others “do things they would like to be doing” or “being the way they would like to be”. In other words – by example!
If you’re truly worried about climate, vaccines, or any number of other “issues” – find out what “you can do about it now” and then, forget the rest!
Want to save the planet? Go plant a fucking tree, recycle, or get a bike. You don’t need to tell anyone about it – you do it! Lead by example – not by shaming people for being “lesser” than you. Because then you simply become the object of your own hate. It’s okay to be worried about these apocalyptic events – but let’s not fool ourselves in believing that “flaunting your mind-poop on social media” is the same as “doing something”.
If you see something wrong – in your IMMEDIATE VACINITY – for the love of Fendersons everywhere, do something about it. If there is a cause you believe in strongly, support it with your money. That is, and has always been – the only real power the people possess. Where to spend your money!
But then again…
Productive Pickling or commonly known as “The Sanchez Method”
There once was the story of a god – bored with its own divinity – that turned itself into a pickle. This is where the term “in a pickle” truly comes from. Don’t look it up! As a pickle, the god was unable to do much except express that it was a pickle.
Unlike your God [who is 100% real] – this god decided to retain all its divine knowledge and while it was a pickle, it did have a face (with eyes and a mouth) and the ability to move ever so slightly. This was the pickle that this pickled-god created for the sake of escaping a pickled-reality.
Yet soon, the pickled god found itself in an apocalyptic event – having rolled off a table and onto the ground; the sun was now draining its life-source and could end its mortal [and pickled] existence. Yet through great effort, it found a way and utilized adversity to grow stronger and more advanced – until, it surpassed its pickled existence and eventually returned to its divine state…of boredom.
At least this according to “The Book of Roland, Pickle Picking Tricksters”
What this great tale can teach us is that no matter what happens – you can only “do what you can do”. However, in “doing”, you open up more possibilities of doing. In other words, by working on yourself above all else – you will shape the reality around you.
This is why “Gratitude” is the foundation of all great change. It’s a small yet powerful action that will shift your perspective in such a way – that you’ll begin to experience life completely different. And that is an amazing revelation that has absolutely nothing to do with apocalypses in any shape or manner.
Accept – maybe, by focusing on yourself and understanding that one day every one of us will expire – we can be grateful for ‘what we can do’ and DO our part. To realize just how precious time truly is and why we should always attempt to focus on INCREASING good, over getting rid of evil.
Because just as the Great Raging Prophet Carlin once said, “Going to war for peace is like fucking for virginity!”
The only way to obtain peace is by increasing the frequency of conditions that allow for peaceful coexistence. Similarly, if you want to “stop the apocalypse”, then you need to focus on actionable-steps that empowers the “conditions that allow for sustaining life”.
This also relates back to your own “personal apocalypses” as well. States of utter chaos and dismay where your “world” might be ending. Never focus on what you do not desire – focus on the conditions required to make your desire come true. When you do this – you no longer become a spectator to the apocalypse, you become the deterrent. Until you die of course…then there’s nothing more can you do.
A Lesson from dogs…
“Woof woof….grrrrr. Rarf!”
For those who don’t speak canine…
A dog lives in the moment. The concept of “tomorrow” or “yesterday” seems not to bother the dog. This isn’t the ideal way of living for a human of course; but dogs do seem happier than most humans do. It could be because they truly understand what it means to live in the moment or perhaps it could be the ability to lick their own genitalia.
Nobody knows for certain; certainly not me…for I do not speak canine!
– J. F. Gerber